Dear Jason:

I wanted to thank you and express my appreciation for taking the time to meet with Bill Smith and myself on July 26. You were very complimentary in acknowledging Tone Telecom Network Systems' ability to meet your needs. However, we discussed a need to improve processes in the following areas: end user sales contracts, central office switch replacements, and RFQ design criteria.

Some of the issues that we discussed were improving communication flows between Tone Telecom Network Systems' account teams, ITP, CPG, Acme Telecom field sales, as well as Customer Operations; being timely and responsive with firm price quotes; providing as much lead time as possible and involving all participants as early as possible in the process, providing, whenever possible, the customer's competitive price point or willingness to pay, or defining a pricing range as was recently provided by XYZ Bell to vendors when responding to an RFQ; providing clear design criteria and parameters with priorities defined whenever possible to assist the vendors in providing more complete and competitive responses.

Jason, collectively, we agreed that looking at the current processes from a quality perspective would be an effective way to work toward improving our effectiveness. Stephen Grath agreed to work with us to pursue this avenue.

Bill and I would like to thank you for your continued support, and we look forward to continually improving our processes and effectiveness so that we may be considered your strategic and premier vendor.

J.P. Weinman
Senior Customer Service Manager
ToneTel Companies, Inc.

Notes

Uninformative subject line

"Meeting notes" could refer to half a dozen topics. The reader should identify the meeting referred to by the date and the sender.

Wordiness

This flowery way of writing sounds awkward and old-fashioned. No one would speak this way.

No visual design to help the reader

With no headlines labeling content, the reader must read every word of the text. If both parties need to discuss the message, it will be awkward to refer to information.

No clear action steps or deadlines

Action steps are listed near the very end and are less likely to be read. Even if the reader gets that far, his attention has probably declined after the first couple of paragraphs.

Most important point is buried

The main point is unclear, so the reader is likely to miss it entirely. Even simple messages should begin with a clear "bottom-line" statement.

Dear Jason:

Thank you for our meeting. We value your confidence in our ability to meet your needs. Bill Smith and I especially appreciate your suggestions on how we can serve you better.

WE AGREED TO IMPROVE THESE PROCESSES BY SEPT. 30, 2005:

• End-user sales contracts
• Central office switch replacements
• RFQ design criteria.

TONE TELECOM'S NEXT STEPS

1. I will fax you a timeline and implementation plan on Monday.
2. We will examine processes from a quality perspective to improve our effectiveness; Stephen Grath is already working with us to put a program in place.
3. I will call you next Tuesday to answer any questions you might have about our implementation plan.

ADDITIONAL ACTIONS TONE TELECOM AND ACME ARE CONSIDERING

1. Streamline communication flow among
   • Tone Telecom Network Systems' account teams
   • ITP and CPG
   • Acme Telecom field sales
   • Customer Operations.
2. Provide as much lead time as possible for all participants.
3. Offer timely and firm price quotes.
4. Provide Acme Telecom's competitive price point or willingness to pay, or define a pricing range. For example, XYZ Bell recently defined a pricing range for vendors when responding to an RFQ.

ENHANCING YOUR VENDOR RELATIONS
We also discussed how Acme Telecom can help vendors create complete and competitive responses. Whenever possible, this involves providing

• clear design criteria
• parameters with priorities defined.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PARTNERSHIP
Thank you again for your feedback and cooperation. We will continue to improve our effectiveness so that we will be your premier strategic vendor.

Sincerely,

J.P. Weinman
Senior Customer Service Manager
ToneTel Companies, Inc.

Notes

Informative subject line

This subject line tells the reader exactly what's in the message. The wording-"Action Steps"-reinforces the feeling of moving forward on the issues.

Positive approach

The writer is taking responsibility in a nondefensive, professional way.

Eye-catching headlines

Headlines enable the reader to grasp the message's content and structure at a glance.

Important information up front

Early in the memo, the writer lists specific actions related to the most pressing issues.

Action orientation

The writer commits to taking action on the issues, reassuring the client.

Emphasis on partnership

References to working together underline the companies' relationship with one another.

Numbers for easy reference

Should the two parties need to discuss this message over the phone, it will be easy for them to navigate through the document.

Concise language

Wording is polite and professional, yet contemporary.